I’m famous, sorta

One of my co-workers happens to be a co-host of “Food Fight“, a DevOps podcast. Last week, he asked for someone to join in for a crossover episode with “RCE“. When nobody else volunteered, he roped me into it. It turned out to be pretty awesome, I would have loved to extend the conversation a few more hours. With any luck, I’ll re-appear on one of those shows sometime. As you may already be aware, one of my goals is for Leo Laporte to personally invite me to the TWiT Brickhouse to get drunk with him on an episode of “This Week in Tech.” I feel like I’ve moved a little closer today.

Anyway, here are the links:

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 14

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Howdy, football fans!  Last week’s big loser sure wasn’t the BCS.  The moment Nevada upset Boise St., the BCS no longer was in the uncomfortable position of having to make excuses for excluding the Broncos from even the possibility of a championship.  Of course, it’s also worth noting that Nevada lost about a million dollars in bowl revenue by beating Boise.  Speaking of teams not in a BCS Bowl, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez was publicly mocked by a pop star this week after the coach cried during the end of the season banquet.  Fortunately for Rodriguez, the season isn’t over for the Wolverines, they’ll have a bowl to play in for the first time in three years.  The regular season isn’t over for some teams, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Illinois at Fresno State

Ron Zook’s tribe looked to be headed for a decent bowl game, until they suffered a late season collapse.  On Friday night, they’ll travel to Bulldog Stadium to take on the Central Valley pups.  The mutts haven’t fared very well against quality opponents, and they’ll need more than just a fierce bark to keep the visitors out of the end zone.  Beonard’s loser? Fresno State

Oregon at Oregon State

With a victory in the Civil War, the Corvallis chompers could wind up in the postseason.  To do that, they’ll need to pluck an explosive flock of Ducks.  Chip Kelly’s birds will play for the national championship if they win this game, so don’t expect them to overlook their rivals.  It’s hard to see that this game could even be close.  Beonard’s loser? Oregon State

Auburn vs South Carolina

With the rules questions for their quarterback solved, the Tigers can focus on winning the SEC Championship.  If they do that, they’ll play for the national crown in January.  First, they’ll need to get past Steve Spurrier’s chickens who want to get their first SEC title.  When these teams first met, the cats won by a touchdown.  This game may be closer, but the outcome will be the same.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, South Carolina

Florida State vs Virginia Tech

After losing their first two games, the Hokies reeled off 10 straight to win the ACC Coastal.  They’ll go for the conference title against a Seminole squad with two conference losses.  Both teams average just under 18 points allowed per game, so it’ll be up to the offenses to tip the scales.  The turkeys have scored at least 26 points in every game since the beginning of October, but the tribe average just three points per game fewer.  It’ll be close, but I think Frank Beamer has things worked out.  Beonard’s Loser?  In a close one, Florida State

Oklahoma vs Nebraska

It’s been rare lately to see balance between the Big XII North and South, but that’s exactly what we have this year.  Bo Pelini would like to take the Big XII title before the shuckers move to the Big Ten next year, but Bob Stoops has the wagons circled.  It’ll be a tale of two offenses, with the southerners in the air and the north on the ground, but in this battle, the south wins.  Beonard’s loser? Nebraska

And how about the one game from next week?

Army vs Navy

The Midshipmen sail into Philadelphia next week hoping to extend their streak to nine games.  Army seems to be at a disadvantage, though, gaining 40 fewer yards per game on the ground than their nautical counterparts. This may be one of the oldest and fiercest rivalries in college football, but it’s becoming a little one-sided these days.  Beonard’s loser? Army

Well, friends, that wraps up this season of Beonard’s Losers.  I’m sad to say that this will be my last.  It has been a real pleasure doing this, and I hope there is someone else out there who will continue the memory of Leonard Postosties, the world’s foremost pigskin prognosticator.  Get me out of here, Percy.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 10

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Howdy, football fans!  I must apologize for last week’s embarrassing performance.  In my defense, who would have expected Michigan State and Missouri to lay an egg on the same weekend?  And who could have foreseen Tulsa defeating Notre Dame — an outcome that will no doubt put a bit more pressure on Brian Kelly.  Undoubtedly, the tragic death of Declan Sullivan weighed on the minds of those in the Indiana Vatican last weekend, and we here at Beonard’s Losers offer our condolences.  Still, in the wake of tragedy, the show goes on, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Wisconsin at Purdue

Danny Hope’s battered squad lost another player to a season-ending injury last weekend.  The Badgers, meanwhile, are well-rested and in a four-way race for the Big Ten title.  Is there a word for when a derailed train goes further off the tracks?  Because that’s what we’ll see in Ross-Ade Stadium.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Minnesota at Michigan State

Mark Dantonio’s squad decided to take their bye week a few Saturdays early.  That’s the only explanation for their terrible performance in Iowa City.  Fortunately, they’re still tied for the lead in the Big Ten with a easy schedule to finish the season.  They’ll probably take out their frustration on a pack of rodents that seems to have given up all hope, having lost eight straight and their coach.  This won’t be pretty, but hopefully the spear-toters will skewer the groundhogs quickly.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Iowa at Indiana

Fans of both teams will recall the near-victory by the Hoosiers in Iowa City last year.  Kirk Ferentz will look to avoid the need for any more miracles when he swoops into Bloomington on Saturday.  If the birds can use their rigid defense to stop the potent passing attack of the basketballers, their offense will peck the home team to death.  Beonard’s loser?  Indiana

Illinois at Michigan

Ron Zook’s tribe may have three losses this year, but they’re all to teams in the top 15 of the BCS standings as of this week.  Two of Michigan’s three losses have come against top-tier teams, too, but they’re on a bit of a slide lately.  A win on Saturday keeps the folks in Ann Arbor from grabbing their pitchforks, but RichRod won’t escape that easily.  Even if the Wolverines can put their offense in gear, the defense will do them in.  Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Baylor at Oklahoma State

Baylor leads the Big XII South.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Baylor leads the Big XII South, but the Cowboys are gunning for that spot.  To do that, they’ll use their 45 points-per-game offense.  But the Bears aren’t so easy to take down:  their offense can rack up the points too, and their defense is about what you’d expect from an angry ursine.  The balls will be flying in Boone Pickens Stadium, and the ranch hands will eventually tame the wild beast.  Beonard’s loser? Baylor

TCU at Utah

Two undefeated teams battle for the right to be completely ignored by the BCS on Saturday.  Both sides have been prone to obliterating opponents, which isn’t too surprising given the kind of competition they’ve faced.  Kyle Whittingham would love to win one last Mountain West championship before moving to the Pac 10, but he’ll find the Frogs too Horny on Saturday.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Utah

Northwestern at Penn State

JoePa is looking for his 400th win this weekend, and it would be great to see that happen in Happy Valley.  Perhaps it might even be enough to quiet the rumbles coming out of State College all season.  The Evanston kittens are capable of ruining those plans, though, so the hometown cats had better stay on their toes.  The fur will fly, but in the end the visitors will need to find their own litter box.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Northwestern

Alabama at LSU

It’s a race to stay relevant in the SEC West on Saturday when the tide roll into Tiger Stadium to take on the bayoux bengals.  A win keeps Nick Saban and company in control of their own destiny, since a date with Auburn still awaits.  For Les Miles, a win just means he still has the chance to get lucky.  This will be a very interesting game and it should come down to which team’s offense will be able to move the ball, but by the end of the game, the Gumps will have caught a Tiger by the toe.  Beonard’s loser? LSU

Okay, friends, that’s all the Smart Pill Machine gave me this week.  Come back again next week for more losers.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 6

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Howdy, football fans!  It’s hard to believe we’re at Week 6 already.  Is the season shaping up the way you thought it would?  I’m sure Brian Kelly expected to have more than two wins at this point, and very few people expected an undefeated Michigan.  Mark Dantonio probably didn’t anticipate being hospitalized twice, but Danny Hope may have foreseen Purdue’s injury woes based on the play-calling we’ve seen so far.  But the past is behind us, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Indiana at Ohio State

Bill Lynch’s basketball stars have proven that they can score points — they rank 13th in points for, and 4th in passing yards — but they’ll have a tough time against a Buckeye squad that only allows 14 points per game.  Jim Tressel’s nuts have seen the end zone a few times themselves, ranking 8th in points scored, which could prove to be a challenge for the mediocre Hoosier defense.  This is proving to be a good year for the Hoosiers, but they won’t like what happens in the Horseshoe.  Beonard’s loser? Indiana

Minnesota at Wisconsin

The gilded rodents tunnel into Camp Randall Stadium on Saturday to try to get their paws on Paul Bunyan’s Axe for the first time since 2003.  Their best hope is to catch the cheese eaters still licking their wounds from last week’s loss to Sparty, but Tim Brewster’s squad hasn’t shown themselves to be much good at anything. Bret Bielma’s Badger boys have been outscoring their opponents pretty well so far, and the axe will likely stay in Madison another year.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Illinois at Penn State

Ron Zook’s tribe prepare for battle in Happy Valley on Saturday, looking better than they have in the past few years.  They hope to get the pelt of a sleeping kitty, but Joe Pa sleeps very lightly.  Although the Lion offense has sputtered, the defense has held unranked opponents to 9 points per game — just what you’d expect from Linebacker U.  This may be a rebuilding year for the Pennsylvania pussycats, but they’ll have no problem chasing away the Indians.  Beonard’s loser? Illinois

Alabama at South Carolina

The Tide continue to roll thanks to their nation-best defense and high-scoring offense.  This weekend, they’ll try to flood the Gamecocks out of Williams-Brice Stadium.  Steve Spurrier needs this win to keep the Gainesville reptiles within pecking distance.  This should be a fine SEC matchup, but I don’t think the home team can stop the rising waters.  Beonard’s loser? South Carolina

Michigan State at Michigan

Separated by one spot in both polls, these in-state rivals prepare for season-defining battle in the Big House.  RichRod has leaned heavily on his rabid quarterback to make up for the anemic Wolverine defense, so you can bet Sparty’s game plan revolves around stopping one particular player.  The spear toters haven’t exactly been the model defense so far, but they’ve done well enough to let the balanced offensive attack work.  Normally, a big rivalry game favors the home team, but with Mark Dantonio’s recent health woes, you know the green and white will be playing extra hard for him.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Michigan

LSU at Florida

It’s a matchup between the two SEC division leaders when the Bayou Bengals head into the swamp to take on Urban Meyer and his crocs.  After winning the last two games by a touchdown or less, Les Miles would love to run up the score in Gainesville.  That could be a tough mission, since the Gators haven’t given up more than 17 points in a home game.  With the offense declawed, the visiting felines will have to rely on their ferocious defense.  This could be a low-scoring game, and I’m not sure how much more distance Miles can get in these close ones.  Beonard’s loser?  In an upset, LSU

Purdue at Northwestern

Danny Hope is said to be taking his squad into Evanston on an ambulance, since they’re likely to need one by the end of the game.  The offense has been plagued by injuries and they’re not likely to get very far against Pat Fitzgerald’s 18 points-per-game defense.  The Cats have had Purdue’s number in the past few years, and it’s hard to see any way that they don’t derail the locomotive.  Fortunately, there are likely a few future doctors in the house.  Beonard’s loser?  Purdue

Well, my friends, that covers it for this week.  Come back here next week when we’ll have more losers!

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 4

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Howdy, football fans!  It hasn’t been the best week for Michigan State.  Shortly after their last-second overtime win against Notre Dame, coach Mark Dantonio suffered a heart attack.  He’s out of the hospital now, and we wish him a speedy recovery.  Then on Tuesday, a player was arrested for his alleged involvement in a laptop theft ring.  The Big 12 has some mixed news, as it has gained nearly $7 million in exchange for losing Colorado a year early.  Of course, I also have to mention this week’s Mascot Fight, in which Rufus Bobcat got the best of Brutus the Buckeye.  You’d think that by late September the drama would all be on the field, but I guess it’s just not to be.  So while we wait for more non-playing drama, let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Austin Peay at Wisconsin

After a close call against Arizona State last weekend, Bret Bielma’s Badger boys will be glad to bring some easier competition back into Camp Randall Stadium.  Austin Peay hopes to enjoy the luck that some other I-AA teams have had this year, but it’ll be the Governors that get vetoed.  Beonard’s loser? Austin Peay

Ball State at Iowa

Kirk Ferentz’s flock got plucked last weekend, but on Saturday they return to the friendly confines of the Kinnick Stadium nest.  The Muncie fowl need to snap their skid before heading into MAC play, and ruling the roost in Iowa City would be a great confidence boost.  Unfortunately for them, the hometown birds aren’t likely to take kindly to strangers.  Beonard’s loser? Ball State

Bowling Green at Michigan

RichRod can’t afford to take any opponent lightly, after narrowly escaping the Massachusetts milita last weekend.  The Falcons fly in to Ann Arbor with the nation’s 29th best passing yardage — and a 0-2 road record.  The Wolverine defense has allowed more points as each week goes by, and once again it’ll be the offense called to save the day.  This game may be closer than most Michiganders would like, but they’ll be happy with the result.  Beonard’s loser? Bowling Green

Northern Colorado at Michigan State

For the fourth straight week, the Bears play a team with “State” in the name.  This weekend, it’s the East Lansing spear-toters.  After last week’s dramatic win, Sparty could use a bit of a break, but the Greely gang are no slouches.  They average over 45 points per game this season, albeit against weaker competition.  With Notre Dame last weekend and Wisconsin and Michigan coming up, this has all the makings for a trap game.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Northern Colorado

Central Michigan at Northwestern

The purple kittens have gotten themselves off to a solid start, quietly working their way into the top 10 defenses in football.  On Saturday, they’ll host the number four defense.  With both of these teams better when they don’t have the ball, it could be a low-scoring game, but the pass-happy play should keep things lively enough.  Pat Fitzgerald has shaped his herd into a force to be reckoned with, and they’re well on their way to a school-record third straight bowl game.  Beonard’s loser? Central Michigan

Toledo at Purdue

The old gold and black locomotive picked up some steam last weekend in a win over Ball State, and it’ll need that momentum when Toledo blasts into the West Lafayette switching station.  Tim Beckman and company oughta feel right at home in the Cradle of Astronauts, but that might not be such a good thing.  The missiles have lost their only home game, and won both of their road matchups.  On Saturday, however, they won’t be able to get into orbit.  Beonard’s loser? Toledo

Alabama at Arkansas

The number two and number five scoring defenses face off in what’s sure to be a lively Razorback Stadium.  The Tide D made it a full nine quarters into the season before they surrendered a touchdown, and last week’s dismantling of Duke was the first time a team has scored twice.  The piggies, meanwhile, gave more points to Georgia last week than Alabama has allowed at all.  Still, it’ll be tough for either team to move the ball.  At the end though, there’s a reason Alabama is the top-ranked team.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Arkansas

Eastern Michigan at Ohio State

In yet another Big Ten-vs-MAC matchup, the Eagles fly into the Horseshoe to try and get their first win.  Not a chance.  Beonard’s loser? Eastern Michigan

Stanford at Notre Dame

After two straight losses to Big Ten teams — and you wonder why the Irish decided to remain independent — Brian Kelly will try his luck against the California tree.  Stanford’s had no problem scoring points, having scored at least 35 in each of their first three games.  Although the Pope’s boys can score too, they’ll really need their defense to step up if they hope to win this game.  After a promising defeat of Purdue to start the season, Brian Kelly has looked  more and more the sinner every week.  Beonard’s loser?  Notre Dame

Temple at Penn State

The most lopsided active “rivalry” in football kicks off in Happy Valley Saturday afternoon, with the Owls looking for their fourth win — not only of the season, but of the series.  The winged professors have shown that they’re not the pushover they’ve been in years past, but Joe Pa’s kitties have their claws sharp.  Beonard’s loser?  Temple

Akron at Indiana

Just when you thought there couldn’t be any more MAC teams playing against the Big Ten this weekend, the Zips head into Basketballtown to take on Bill Lynch’s unproven squad.  The winless kangaroos are nearly last in points for and points against.  Frankly, I’m surprised that the cream and crimson aren’t defending the rock against Jackson Creek Middle School.   Beonard’s loser? Akron

South Carolina at Auburn

Another matchup of ranked SEC teams is in store for us Saturday evening when Steve Spurrier takes his Cocks into Jordan-Hare Stadium to take on the Auburn kittens.  Both teams are hoping to remain undefeated in conference play, but the home team certainly needs it more, with the depth of the SEC West.  South Carolina has a stout defense, despite the 19 points they let Furman have.  Meanwhile, Auburn has struggled to keep teams in the teens, and that just won’t work against this kind of opponent.  Beonard’s loser? Auburn

Oregon State at Boise State

With the wheels coming off Virginia Tech’s season, Boise State needs to make the most of this second game against a ranked opponent.  Mike Riley’s flattails haven’t had the best of luck keeping opponents off the scoreboard, and that’s a real problem when you’re playing on the blue turf of Bronco Stadium.  Critics can say what they want about strenght of schedule, but when it’s the real deal, the Boise Broncs know how to ride off into the sunset victoriously.  Beonard’s loser? Oregon State

Northern Illinois at Minnesota

The last of the MAC/Big Ten games kicks off in TCF Bank Stadium when the Huskies take on the “Please Don’t Fire Me. Love, Tim Brewster”s.  This is quite the pillow fight and I’m not entirely convinced either team should win.  I do think that things look very bad for Mister Brewster.  Beonard’s Loser? Even if they win, Minnesota

West Virginia at LSU

Bill Stewart takes his squad down from the mountain to do a little bit of explorin’ in the Baton Rouge swamp.  The visitors let Marshall go to overtime, so they’ll want to fix their defenses before they encounter the Bayou Bengals.  Les Miles and company don’t seem to be able to throw the ball, but they can slink downfield just fine, and they sure don’t like letting strangers have their way in Tiger Stadium.  Beonard’s loser?  West Virginia

Okay, folks, that’s all I can come up with this week.  Come back here next week and we’ll talk about some more losers.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 3

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Howdy, football fans!  Not everyone is pleased with how last week went.  Perhaps no one is more distressed than Frank Beamer, who watched his Hokes lose again, this time to I-AA powerhouse James Madison.  Tim Brewster’s Minnesota squad lost to a I-AA team, too, putting his job in further jeopardy.  It’s not hopeless for these guys, though.  Take Kansas as an example: they upset Georgia Tech a week after their I-AA loss.  Still, as the season goes on, these kinds of losses become harder and harder to take.  So who will be a victim of a killer cupcake in week 3?  Let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Ohio at Ohio State

After holding steady in the face of a Hurricane, Jim Tressel’s nuts will try to defend themselves against the Athens pride.  The cats have been stingy on defense, but they haven’t faced competition like they’ll see in the Horseshoe.  The lesson here is that these trees won’t make good scratching posts.  Beonard’s loser?  Ohio

Arkansas at Georgia

SEC play begins for Arkansas on Saturday, although it’s also the beginning of legitimate competition for the pigs.  Neither team has been very willing to let opponents into the end zone, but Bobby Petrino’s squad may do just that if they keep looking at next week’s game with Alabama.  This will be a close game, but it won’t mean much, except that the red clay hounds are better than their loss to South Carolina.  Beonard’s loser?  In an upset, Arkansas.

Kent State at Penn State

After a rough trip to Tuscaloosa, Joe Pa’s kitties will appreciate the return to Happy Valley.  Kent State comes into this game amid a three-game road trip.  The Flashes couldn’t get it done to start the trip, and that’ll continue this week.  Beonard’s loser?  Kent State

Massachusetts at Michigan

With the last-minute win over Notre Dame last weekend, the Wolverines showed that their fortunes may finally be turning around.  They can’t rest just yet, though, as the Amhurst riflemen will be marching into Ann Arbor.  The Minutemen have won both of their battles so far, but they’ll find these weasels too much to handle.  Beonard’s loser?  Massachusetts

Northern Illinois at Illinois

The Huskies start a three-game road trip with a journey down to Chambana to face Ron Zook’s tribe.  The Illini had no trouble getting Saluki pelts last weekend, but they’ll find these pups a little tougher to tame.  The DeKalb doggies have a good rushing attack, but they’ll find themselves rushing to week 4.  Beonard’s loser?  Northern Illinois

Ball State at Purdue

Danny Hope’s iron workers picked up their first win of the season last week in a lackluster defeat of Western Illinois.  This weekend, they’ll face an in-state opponent in the form of the Ball State Cardinals.  The Muncie birds lost at home to Liberty, and they’re not likely to fare any better against a locomotive — speeding or otherwise.  Beonard’s loser? Ball State

Arizona State at Wisconsin

The Sun Devils take their unblemished record into Camp Randall Stadium in the hopes of burning the hair off of Bret Bielma’s Badger boys.  The desert demons have averaged 47-and-a-half points in the first two weeks, but that’s hasn’t exactly been against top-notch competition.  The cheeseheads have done their own cupcake smashing, and they’ll make sure it’s the visitors who end up singed.  Beonard’s loser? Arizona State

USC at Minnesota

Things went from bad to worse for the Gilded Rodents last week when they lost to South Dakota.  On Saturday, it goes from worse to worser as the L.A. wooden horse gets wheeled into TCF Bank Stadium.  Despite the off-the-field kerfuffle, Lane Kiffin’s squad will be ready to do some varmint huntin’, and there’s not much the Twin City faithful can do to stop it.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Indiana at Western Kentucky

Willie Taggart must be glad to return to the top of the hill after getting demolished on the road in the first two weeks.  They’ll play host to a Hoosier squad that shellacked Towson, but remains mostly undefined.  Bill Lynch needs the Basketballtown Boys to tune up for the start of Big Televen play in two weeks, and this trip to Bowling Green should do just that.  Beonard’s loser? Western Kentucky

Notre Dame at Michigan State

The 74th battle for the Megaphone Trophy kicks off on Saturday in East Lansing.  After a heartbeaking loss last week, Brian Kelly will try to earn absolution for the papal pigskin squad.  Scoring points against the untested Spartan defense shouldn’t be a problem, but containing the potent rushing attack might be.  In the past nine years, the home team has only won the trophy once, but that might become twice.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Notre Dame

Iowa at Arizona

After two straight easy home games, Kirk Ferentz takes his Iowa City flock down to Tuscon to face off against the local feline population.  Mike Stoops hasn’t seen his squad face real competition yet, so he might not know what to expect.  What I expect is to see fur and feathers flying, and a bunch of neutered kittens at the end.  Beonard’s loser? Arizona

Okay, folks, that’s about enough pigskin prognostication for one week.  Join me again next week when we’ll have another crop of losers.

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Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 2

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Howdy, football fans!  The college football season got off to an interesting start in places like Mississippi and Kansas.  Of course, if you ask the crowds there, they’d prefer life a little less interesting if it’s all the same.  Not to worry, though, we saw the traditional cupcake sacrifices, too, and none worse than the 72-to-nil whuppin’ that the Oregon Ducks gave to New Mexico.  That stings from here!  Fortunately, week two is a time to right the ship and try again.  After all, half of the teams in college football are undefeated right now.  With the pep talk out of the way,  let’s take a look at this week’s games.

San Jose State at Wisconsin

Bret Bielma’s Badger boys are used to facing off against Spartans, but the Greeks they’ll meet on Saturday aren’t quite as impressive as the ones from East Lansing.  Mike MacIntryre will try to get his first win as the leader of this army, but he’ll be lucky if the score’s better than last week’s 48-3.  Beonard’s loser?  San Jose State.

Illinois State at Northwestern

The Normal birds fly up to Evanston on Saturday to face Pat Fitzgerald’s purple kittens.  Ryan Field has become less hospitable of late, and the Redbirds will need to have their claws sharp if they want to pull out some fur.  In fact, they’d probably ought to go ahead and book a flight home, because I doubt they’ll be able to fly back on their own.  Beonard’s loser? Illinois State.

South Dakota at Minnesota

After tunneling out of a second-half deficit against Middle Tennessee, the gilded rodents look forward to the relative ease of facing South Dakota.  Coyotes have been known to eat their share of groudhogs, but Brewster’s buck-toothed brigade will come out of this one on top.  Beonard’s loser?  South Dakota

Michigan State versus Florida Atlantic

Although it’s not technically a home game for the spear-toters, it’s at least at a familiar battlefield.  This will be to their advantage when coaching legend Howard Schnellenberger brings his flock of Owls up from Fort Lauderdale.  Mark Dantonio feels like his East Lansing army hasn’t gotten enough respect around the conference, so he’ll probably use this weekend to try out a few things in preparation fro Notre Dame next Saturday.  Despite the long view, the visiting nocturns will have a long flight home.  Beonard’s loser? Florida Atlantic

Western Illinois at Purdue

In what may be the manliest matchup of the weekend, the Leathernecks will arrive at the West Lafayette switching station to face Danny Hope’s bartenders.  After a tough loss to Notre Dame, the gold and black choo-choo could use a confidence boost.  Fortunately, the leathery necks of the visitors won’t be too stiff.  Beonard’s loser? Western Illinois

Florida State at Oklahoma

The Tallahassee tribe head into Oklahoma to get another win for their new chief.  After a slaughter of the Samford Bulldogs, they’re feeling pretty confident, but Bob Stoops will have his wagons circled.  The Norman wagon train had a good test last weekend and should be ready to fight off the invaders.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one: Florida State

Iowa State at Iowa

After pulling out some dog fur, the Amesnado sweeps into Iowa City to try to reclaim the Cy-Hawk trophy.  The winds might cause a bit of a problem for the pass-happy offense of Kirk Ferentz, but his birds know how to fly through a storm.  This may be a bit closer than the past few matchups, but once again, the Hawks won’t be plucked.  Beonard’s loser? Iowa State

Michigan at Notre Dame

Cardinal Kelly got his tenure off to a good start in last week’s excommunication of Purdue.  This week, he’ll play host to the Wolverines.  If anyone could use a blessing right now, it’s RichRod, who needs a few signature wins to keep getting signatures on his pay check.  So long as the Domers can keep Michigan’s versatile quarterback in check, the Indiana Vatican will remain holy another week.  Beonard’s loser?  Michigan.

Miami at Ohio State

The ACC/Big Ten Challenge happens a few months early when Randy Shannon’s cyclone makes landfall at Columbus.  The ‘Canes are used to knocking trees out of their way, but Jim Tressel’s nuts are unflappable. This will be a great game, but Sweatervest will make sure the trees remain standing.  Beonard’s loser? Miami

Penn State at Alabama

JoePa’s kitties head into Bryant-Denny Stadium hoping to knock the pachyderms off their perch.  With both a key defender and the defending Heisman winner stuck on Nick Saban’s bench, the visitors have a lucky break.  Still, the felines line up with a freshman quarterback, who hasn’t faced this kind of pressure before.  It won’t be easy, but the Tide will roll.  Beonard’s loser? Penn State

Well, my friends, that’s about all I’ve got for you this week.  Come back here next week when I’ll have more losers for you.

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