Blog Fiasco

November 5, 2010

Beonard’s Losers — 2010, Week 10

Filed under: Funnel Fiasco,Sports — Tags: , , , — bcotton @ 7:51 pm

Listen here!

Howdy, football fans!  I must apologize for last week’s embarrassing performance.  In my defense, who would have expected Michigan State and Missouri to lay an egg on the same weekend?  And who could have foreseen Tulsa defeating Notre Dame — an outcome that will no doubt put a bit more pressure on Brian Kelly.  Undoubtedly, the tragic death of Declan Sullivan weighed on the minds of those in the Indiana Vatican last weekend, and we here at Beonard’s Losers offer our condolences.  Still, in the wake of tragedy, the show goes on, so let’s take a look at this week’s games.

Wisconsin at Purdue

Danny Hope’s battered squad lost another player to a season-ending injury last weekend.  The Badgers, meanwhile, are well-rested and in a four-way race for the Big Ten title.  Is there a word for when a derailed train goes further off the tracks?  Because that’s what we’ll see in Ross-Ade Stadium.  Beonard’s loser? Purdue

Minnesota at Michigan State

Mark Dantonio’s squad decided to take their bye week a few Saturdays early.  That’s the only explanation for their terrible performance in Iowa City.  Fortunately, they’re still tied for the lead in the Big Ten with a easy schedule to finish the season.  They’ll probably take out their frustration on a pack of rodents that seems to have given up all hope, having lost eight straight and their coach.  This won’t be pretty, but hopefully the spear-toters will skewer the groundhogs quickly.  Beonard’s loser? Minnesota

Iowa at Indiana

Fans of both teams will recall the near-victory by the Hoosiers in Iowa City last year.  Kirk Ferentz will look to avoid the need for any more miracles when he swoops into Bloomington on Saturday.  If the birds can use their rigid defense to stop the potent passing attack of the basketballers, their offense will peck the home team to death.  Beonard’s loser?  Indiana

Illinois at Michigan

Ron Zook’s tribe may have three losses this year, but they’re all to teams in the top 15 of the BCS standings as of this week.  Two of Michigan’s three losses have come against top-tier teams, too, but they’re on a bit of a slide lately.  A win on Saturday keeps the folks in Ann Arbor from grabbing their pitchforks, but RichRod won’t escape that easily.  Even if the Wolverines can put their offense in gear, the defense will do them in.  Beonard’s loser? Michigan

Baylor at Oklahoma State

Baylor leads the Big XII South.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Baylor leads the Big XII South, but the Cowboys are gunning for that spot.  To do that, they’ll use their 45 points-per-game offense.  But the Bears aren’t so easy to take down:  their offense can rack up the points too, and their defense is about what you’d expect from an angry ursine.  The balls will be flying in Boone Pickens Stadium, and the ranch hands will eventually tame the wild beast.  Beonard’s loser? Baylor

TCU at Utah

Two undefeated teams battle for the right to be completely ignored by the BCS on Saturday.  Both sides have been prone to obliterating opponents, which isn’t too surprising given the kind of competition they’ve faced.  Kyle Whittingham would love to win one last Mountain West championship before moving to the Pac 10, but he’ll find the Frogs too Horny on Saturday.  Beonard’s loser? In a close one, Utah

Northwestern at Penn State

JoePa is looking for his 400th win this weekend, and it would be great to see that happen in Happy Valley.  Perhaps it might even be enough to quiet the rumbles coming out of State College all season.  The Evanston kittens are capable of ruining those plans, though, so the hometown cats had better stay on their toes.  The fur will fly, but in the end the visitors will need to find their own litter box.  Beonard’s loser?  In a close one, Northwestern

Alabama at LSU

It’s a race to stay relevant in the SEC West on Saturday when the tide roll into Tiger Stadium to take on the bayoux bengals.  A win keeps Nick Saban and company in control of their own destiny, since a date with Auburn still awaits.  For Les Miles, a win just means he still has the chance to get lucky.  This will be a very interesting game and it should come down to which team’s offense will be able to move the ball, but by the end of the game, the Gumps will have caught a Tiger by the toe.  Beonard’s loser? LSU

Okay, friends, that’s all the Smart Pill Machine gave me this week.  Come back again next week for more losers.

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