Howdy, football fans! The college football season got off to an interesting start in places like Mississippi and Kansas. Of course, if you ask the crowds there, they’d prefer life a little less interesting if it’s all the same. Not to worry, though, we saw the traditional cupcake sacrifices, too, and none worse than the 72-to-nil whuppin’ that the Oregon Ducks gave to New Mexico. That stings from here! Fortunately, week two is a time to right the ship and try again. After all, half of the teams in college football are undefeated right now. With the pep talk out of the way, let’s take a look at this week’s games.
San Jose State at Wisconsin
Bret Bielma’s Badger boys are used to facing off against Spartans, but the Greeks they’ll meet on Saturday aren’t quite as impressive as the ones from East Lansing. Mike MacIntryre will try to get his first win as the leader of this army, but he’ll be lucky if the score’s better than last week’s 48-3. Beonard’s loser? San Jose State.
Illinois State at Northwestern
The Normal birds fly up to Evanston on Saturday to face Pat Fitzgerald’s purple kittens. Ryan Field has become less hospitable of late, and the Redbirds will need to have their claws sharp if they want to pull out some fur. In fact, they’d probably ought to go ahead and book a flight home, because I doubt they’ll be able to fly back on their own. Beonard’s loser? Illinois State.
South Dakota at Minnesota
After tunneling out of a second-half deficit against Middle Tennessee, the gilded rodents look forward to the relative ease of facing South Dakota. Coyotes have been known to eat their share of groudhogs, but Brewster’s buck-toothed brigade will come out of this one on top. Beonard’s loser? South Dakota
Michigan State versus Florida Atlantic
Although it’s not technically a home game for the spear-toters, it’s at least at a familiar battlefield. This will be to their advantage when coaching legend Howard Schnellenberger brings his flock of Owls up from Fort Lauderdale. Mark Dantonio feels like his East Lansing army hasn’t gotten enough respect around the conference, so he’ll probably use this weekend to try out a few things in preparation fro Notre Dame next Saturday. Despite the long view, the visiting nocturns will have a long flight home. Beonard’s loser? Florida Atlantic
Western Illinois at Purdue
In what may be the manliest matchup of the weekend, the Leathernecks will arrive at the West Lafayette switching station to face Danny Hope’s bartenders. After a tough loss to Notre Dame, the gold and black choo-choo could use a confidence boost. Fortunately, the leathery necks of the visitors won’t be too stiff. Beonard’s loser? Western Illinois
Florida State at Oklahoma
The Tallahassee tribe head into Oklahoma to get another win for their new chief. After a slaughter of the Samford Bulldogs, they’re feeling pretty confident, but Bob Stoops will have his wagons circled. The Norman wagon train had a good test last weekend and should be ready to fight off the invaders. Beonard’s loser? In a close one: Florida State
Iowa State at Iowa
After pulling out some dog fur, the Amesnado sweeps into Iowa City to try to reclaim the Cy-Hawk trophy. The winds might cause a bit of a problem for the pass-happy offense of Kirk Ferentz, but his birds know how to fly through a storm. This may be a bit closer than the past few matchups, but once again, the Hawks won’t be plucked. Beonard’s loser? Iowa State
Michigan at Notre Dame
Cardinal Kelly got his tenure off to a good start in last week’s excommunication of Purdue. This week, he’ll play host to the Wolverines. If anyone could use a blessing right now, it’s RichRod, who needs a few signature wins to keep getting signatures on his pay check. So long as the Domers can keep Michigan’s versatile quarterback in check, the Indiana Vatican will remain holy another week. Beonard’s loser? Michigan.
Miami at Ohio State
The ACC/Big Ten Challenge happens a few months early when Randy Shannon’s cyclone makes landfall at Columbus. The ‘Canes are used to knocking trees out of their way, but Jim Tressel’s nuts are unflappable. This will be a great game, but Sweatervest will make sure the trees remain standing. Beonard’s loser? Miami
Penn State at Alabama
JoePa’s kitties head into Bryant-Denny Stadium hoping to knock the pachyderms off their perch. With both a key defender and the defending Heisman winner stuck on Nick Saban’s bench, the visitors have a lucky break. Still, the felines line up with a freshman quarterback, who hasn’t faced this kind of pressure before. It won’t be easy, but the Tide will roll. Beonard’s loser? Penn State
Well, my friends, that’s about all I’ve got for you this week. Come back here next week when I’ll have more losers for you.